I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The best revenge is premature balding
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
