respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
