Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
