I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
