I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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