apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize