Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
