I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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