Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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