I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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