she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
