Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
