currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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