"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
