I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
