i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
