It's like God shit irony all over that family
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
