i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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