that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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