that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
