How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
