She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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