I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
