True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
