weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
