So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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