Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
