To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
