do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
