I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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