Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He shit in the fireplace
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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