Who did Billy Mays play for?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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