shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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