im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
