I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
