Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
