obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
