i would punch a child for taco bell
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize