May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
