This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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