so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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