I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
