You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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