I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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