dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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