wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
