i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
