omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
not ubering you a puppy
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
