I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
