I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
