i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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