I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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