so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
drinking out of a sandbucket again
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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