just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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