so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
