I wannas sexs uuuuu
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Randomize
