no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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