Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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