dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
