So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
