I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
