im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
