Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Someone came in the potted fern
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
