if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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