Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
