No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
