im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
