I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
