my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
