Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
