Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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