so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize