Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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