He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
