Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
