woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
