Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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