i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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