so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
